My Vampiric Awakening

by Myskia

This is going to be an odd story, though I am sure that many other awakenings have a lot of parallels to mine. I have read several that seem to have common threads. I’m a psychic vampire that awakened to my nature later in life, but my path to this realization is heavily entwined with my history as a witch. To tell the full story, I need to discuss both at least a little bit.

Childhood and Teenage Years

I grew up spending a large amount of my childhood in a haunted house; namely, my grandmother’s. I never saw anything, but I heard things, I felt things, and sometimes I could just sense with unnerving clarity that something was there. I was told it was all in my head, so I tried to ignore it until I had an undeniable experience in my early teens that made me completely impervious to doubt.

Shortly thereafter, I skipped my school lunches and saved the money to buy a book on Wicca and witchcraft at the local mall my mother worked at. I studied it intensely, but, after my experiences with a ghost, I felt I did not want to “bow the knee” to any sort of entity–to owe it something in return for the power it granted. Instead, I developed a method to take energy directly from external sources: storms, animals, and (especially) other people through use of a sigil of my own devising. Most times, I would actively store the energy I took within a talisman I used to keep on me at all times, but sometimes I would just put the energy into myself–something that always made me feel more alive to do. I indulged in it more often than I should have and there was no consent involved. As far as I knew: no one was hurt. The shame I felt (especially for feeling the strong inclination to keep the energy for myself) kept me from reaching out to anyone about it. At the time, I had no idea that vampires existed, let alone that what I was doing would be considered an act of it.

The energy I didn’t consume, I used to fuel my magic and it worked well. At 14 I banished my first ghost and I finally felt safe returning to my grandmother’s house. It was the stepping stone that proved to me that witchcraft really worked.

The Wild Years

Immediately after I left the nest, I heavily got into the philosophy of the martial arts I had been practicing for years, particularly the aspects to do with ki. I learned Reiki which came to me naturally, and that opened up the door to all sorts of energy work. I no longer needed to pull from other people or animals to fuel my magic as now I was able to tap into a much larger source on a whim. It gave me a thrill of power through my body when I would channel the energies around me through me, but it never made me feel as alive as when I would take the energy directly from a person. I tried a lot to resist the urge to keep doing both because I was experiencing moral guilt over the fact that I still felt almost a compulsion to do so.

Around this same time, I started touring around with several different local bands as a drummer. The bands changed over the years and none really went anywhere, but it was just the feeling of being on stage that gave me the same jolt of feeling alive that I would get when I had previously consumed energy–so that became a supplement and a crutch. At one point, I was active with three separate bands and volunteered my time as a sit-in replacement drummer for other groups in case of emergency. Scarcely a week went by when I didn’t play at least one gig, and that kept me mostly happy through my earliest 20’s.

Additionally, not to be crude, but I also found that bedroom activities also gave me the same sort of sensation and relief. I don’t want to dwell on that too much, but it became a staple way by which I would sustain myself when all else failed.

Settling Down

In my early 20’s, I did the thing and got married. To a Christian. My time touring around greatly diminished. My practice of magic ceased as I, for a time, tried out Christianity and I knew it was anathema to witchcraft. I tried to be good. There was a lot of time early on where I simply wasn’t meeting my needs because I “refused” to practice any sort of magic and I was no longer on the stage nearly as much. There were many times early on where I would “slip up” and pull in energy from others simply because it felt good to me and made me feel better. These slip ups were always chased by heavy amounts of guilt. I kept this a complete secret.

After a few years in the church, I became a worship leader and performed as a member of the churches’ worship teams (I cycled through several different churches). Suddenly, I liked going to church–I was getting that same need met in a worship environment that I had previously gotten from being on stage before. I chalked it up to simply immensely enjoying what I loved to do.

A couple more years and I started to get seriously disillusioned. I had multiple differences of ideals from the churches I had attended and realized that my issue was with the faith itself. I delved into Biblical theology to look for answers and all I found were more reasons to doubt. I didn’t spread the things I had learned around. I should have stepped down from my role in the church, but even though I became an apostate, I still enjoyed performing on stage like I always had? I was confused, but I stayed on course because I still looked forward to Sunday services and I wanted to preserve my marriage to the Christian I had married. Overall, I was within the church for 12 years of my adult life.

I left the church on bad terms. I immediately picked up my full magical practice as though I had never left it. My marriage ended a couple years later. I was devastated and my life fell apart, but I built it back differently than I had ever dreamed I would be “allowed” to. I broke all the stereotypes and expectations people had for me and allowed myself to finally live, and loudly.

Him.

A few years had passed between my liberation and meeting my sire. At this point, I had gone from seemingly hetero cisgender christian to pan-poly intersex-trans witch–the black sheep of my family. It suited me fine because I still clung tightly to my own morals despite what people expected of me.

And that’s when I met my sire. I met my sire as a person late in 2025 and I became his primary donor early in 2026. Through him, I learned about real vampires, though I did not engage with the community. I presented to him my history and traits that made me wonder if maybe I was too… but he shut it down. About a month later, I had my proper awakening.

I felt the Hunger in my heart faintly the first day. It felt kind of like heartburn, but not exactly. I wrote it off as a weird feeling, but it did get worse throughout the day. The next day I was feeling exhausted and it felt even worse. Eventually I went to bed and just laid down when one of my nesting partners came upstairs to comfort me (not my sire–his and I’s relationship was only long distance). Without thought, I jumped at my partner’s throat and started to feed, like it was instinct. It felt amazing and made me feel instantly alive. In the same breath that it felt amazing, I scared myself and backed off immediately because I realized what I was doing. On the first night, I told all of my partners, including my sire. After that, I created a sigil for use on my own skin that prevents me from feeding by any means until it is consciously removed; something I still apply to myself every night before bed as not all of my nesting partners have consented to being donors.

To my sire’s credit, he took me under his wing and stopped feeding on me altogether to test to see if I was perhaps a sympathetic vampire, but the thirst continued despite his holding back. He took me under his wing and taught me a lot about the ethics of feeding and taught me how to feed long distance like he did–something I will forever be grateful for. He was there for me and did what he could to guide me, when he could.

I started reading the Psychic Vampire Codex by M. Bellanger and had a lot of shock as I saw it describe me so accurately, page after page. I also started reaching out to join the vampire community. I was met with some disappointment and left a few places pretty quickly. The more I studied and learned from others, the more I learned that a lot of what I was being taught by my sire was at odds with what I was learning both through books and the community.

My sire and I separated for personal reasons quite recently as of the time of my writing this. I won’t discuss that story here, but I cut all ties from him in relational, vampiric, and even friend capacities.

That’s my story, such as it is. I’m a psychic/astral/elemental(storms)/eros vampyre witch.